Jokes For All Seasons II

[grace_t_ancla]

( 3 magkumpare ang nagmamayabang sa kantahan sa loob ng araneta c. .. )
( paramihan ng puntos sa pamamagitan ng taong tatayo )

singer1 : oohhh yeeess im a great pretender...
( palakpakan... 30 senior citizen ang tumayo )

singer2 : itaktak mo, itaktak mo. itak-itak..itaktak mo....
( palakpakan... 60 kabataan at senior citizen nagsi tayo-an )

singer3 : bayang magiliw perlas ng silanganan...
( tayo lang ng tao sa araneta )

[grace_t_ancla]

Si Jojo ay nanalo ng Free Trip sa Canada noong Christmas at may pocketmoney pa sya.

Pagdating nya sa Hotel nya, hinatid sya ng roomboy sa suite nya (VIP daw).

Roomboy: Here you are Sir, enjoy your stay in Canada, anyway do you want something to order before your dinner comes?

Jojo: Ahh, ok, I want to order Special Halo-Halo with ice cream, Pinipig and Leche Plan on top, and please add cold water.

Roomboy: Whhhhhaaaattttt?

[grace_t_ancla]

isang araw ng linggo nag deliver sa barangay masikot ang coca cola Van nang pabalik na nasagasaan ang kambing ni Teryo at tinakbuhan ng driver. Pagkaraan ng isang linggo nag deliver ang pepsi cola Van di nila alam inaabangan sila ni Teryo para pagbayarin.

Teryo: Kailangan nyo bayaran ang kambing ko na sinagasaan nyo noong linggo.

Driver: Sir hindi kami nag deliver noong linggo, baka coca cola yon

Teryo: ah basta bayaran nyo dahil mag ka apilyido kau mag pinsan din kau.

[grace_t_ancla]

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at
a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House")
a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not
limited to a mouse.

A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed
by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief
that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus hereinafter ("Claus")
would arrive at sometime thereafter.

The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House,
were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal
hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats,
including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did
dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred
to as "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the
party of the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma
had retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties
were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)
Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon
the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said
House, i.e. the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause
and/or circumstance.

The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the
House to investigate the cause of such disturbance.
At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree
of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter the "Vehicle")
being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately
eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact
was, the previously referenced Claus.

Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance
to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the
animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen,
Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter the "Deer").
(Upon information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional
co-conspirator named "Rudolph" may have been involved.)

The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer
intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences
located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the
Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of
unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission,
either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus
entered said House via the chimney.

Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with
residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a
portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown
items.

He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in
blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations.

Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of
the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys
and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute
"gifts" to said minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the
U.S. Tax Code.)

Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose
and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the
roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts."
Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.
However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus
from said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state
and/or exclaim:

"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" or words to that effect.
Respectfully Submitted,

MS. WA

[grace_t_ancla]

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
It's Christmas, Eve !

How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day ?
Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve !

What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month ?
The letter "D" !

What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney ?
Santa Claustrophobia !

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?
Black mail !

Who delievers cat's Christmas presents ?
Santa Paws !

Who delivers elephants' Christmas presents?
Elephanta Claus !

[jo_g_ancla]

An accountant asked ERAP what a BALANCE SHEET IS.

ERAP answered - IT COMES OUT AFTER A BALANCE DIET.

[grace_t_ancla]

1st contestant: Akong kantahun 'dahong laya'

2nd contestant: Akong kantahun 'd falling leaves'

3rd contestant: Dili ko mukanta!

Judges: Nganu man..?

3rd contestant: manilhig nalang ko kay daghan sagbot!

[grace_t_ancla]

Use BE COOL and I'LL BUY in a sentence.
...The tourist went to Mayon volcano in I'LL BUY, BE COOL.

Use SCHOOLING in a sentence.
...(phone rings).....Hello? Who SCHOOLING?

Use BORROW in a sentence.
...Ang dumi naman ng BORROW mo.

Use MENTION in a sentence.
...Ang laki ng bahay nila, parang MENTION.

Use CONTEMPLATE in a sentence.
...Pare, ang dami-daming pagkain, pero, ko-CONTEMPLATE